Bitch please!?

A woman on women…

battle of the bitches!

My eight year old daughter came home recently and over dinner proceeded to tell me about her friend Maddie. She was telling me that she wasn’t sure if Maddie was being mean to her, or being a friend. Maddie had apparently been advising her that her dress-sense was not up to scratch and she wasn’t enough of a bitch to her friends. Maddie was informing her very passive aggressively that my daughter needed to be more of a ‘Mean Girl’ in order to be in the cool gang. My daughter, not yet old enough to know what bullying is, nor might I say what defines a True Bitch, was telling me that she didn’t feel comfortable with what her so-called friend Maddie had demanded of her and wasn’t sure if Maddie was being friend or foe. It was my job, over dinner to then explain that a Maddie was in fact a bitch and that this is the beginning of sadly being bullied by women throughout the rest of her life.

This conversation was timely due to the fact that even at my age, I too am experiencing bullying from women. Women who do not know how to be a lady and believe that if they get all up in your face, they will intimidate you and eventually win. Now let it be known… we do not accept being a victim in our house and thoroughly believe that fighting back [without weapons but with words and timing] is the ultimate revenge. Sometimes karma takes time, but in the end, karma is the ultimate bitch. We teach our kids to be clever and I am always harping onto my daughter about being strong and powerful, but most importantly, always being a lady.

My Nan’s taught me at a very young age the power of being a lady. Examples were thrust upon me and I was expected to live up to their expectations no matter what. It wasn’t until recently though that I realised myself that I was in fact, intimidating to women. I always try to come across approachable, kind and caring and I hate confrontation, so had no idea that other women saw me that way. I listen all the time to powerful songs written by successful women and there is no doubt that there is inspiration in them for me. And although I had taught my daughter the power of being a lady, didn’t realise that I had in fact reached the status of a lady in the eyes of others.

I work hard and I play hard in return. I firmly believe that as long as my kids are provided for and the mortgage is paid, why shouldn’t I deserve luxuries such as Louis Vuitton and Tiffany’s? I have my nails done every 3 weeks and I have a dedicated Spa Manager who ensures I’m waxed and primed, looking hot for my man and making me feel good in return. Taking care of myself and presenting a valuable looking product to the world is important to me – and so it should be!

But make no mistake. No woman taught me this. This came from my beautiful friends in the gay community. Yes people… I am a product of Queer eye for the Straight Girl! I am a self-professed fag hag and I make no apologies. Everything I know…. everything that is ladylike about me (and the ability to swear like a trooper) is all because of my beautiful male friends who happen to be inclined towards the beautiful male race. I understand by the way!

I have never had many female friends. However much I admired them, their friendship is something I have rarely mastered due to the fact that they can be such bitches. Even females who profess to be your best friend, can be bitching behind your back and creating grief for you. What’s with that?! At least my gay friends will say that shit to my face!!! Before I met my darling boyfriends, I was a hopeless case. My fashion sense and level of self-esteem was dreadful. But thanks to my friends sharing their experiences of prejudice and hatred, they taught me that loving myself is the most important thing. Surrounding yourself with people who love you regardless of anything, is ultimately helpful, and can indeed be life changing.

I can remember once being out with my best friend and a bunch of his friends. One of his other girlfriends was giving me grief about my hairstyle and fashion sense amongst other things. This was at a time I was going through a horrific divorce, had no money and probably did truthfully look like shit. Ben simply put his arm around me and said “That’s enough. Come darls, we don’t have to listen to this!”. I loved him before –  but from that moment, he was the greatest human being I had ever met. A few years ago now, I lost another great love, who was always ready to tell me how it was, but in a way that he knew I could handle. It was truth, but done right. I miss Colin each and every day and the world is a lessor place because he is gone from this world.

With so much hatred and war going on all around the world due to religion, misunderstanding or pure bigotry I cannot understand why women need to war against women!? Shouldn’t the female race after all we have been through stick together? We are all the same. We are the sum of each parts. Where is the solidarity and the feeling of sticking together? And why may I ask is it left to the minority group who simply want to spread the message of love?

On this the 40th anniversary of Mardi Gras in Sydney and the year that gay marriage is legalized in Australia, thank you with all my heart to the gay and lesbian people of the world. Thank you for fighting for what’s right. Thank you for teaching me that being a woman didn’t mean I had to be a bitch to survive. And most of all thank you for giving my daughter a reason to stand up and be exactly who she wants to be in this world.

To my greatest friends, those who are with me and those who now belong to the angels, please understand that my life is so much richer for knowing you and you have shaped the person I am today. A person who feels whole because of my love for you – and from you.